Grimlock ♥ Ultra Magnus

 

 

Finally, a book about 'robosexuals'!   Yay, right?

 

 

So, first of all, it seems like cyborgs are treated as robots, and see Starscream yelling at Knock Out?   Yup, that.   The author lists robots, androids, automatons and cyborgs in a list - but they all seem to be robots that look like humans.  

 

So, uh, all androids then.   

 

I guessed the twist ending before it was revealed, and the grammar.   David King is occasionally written as David king.   But not all the time.   So not only is the book wrong, it's not consistently wrong. 

 

Then there's the fact that dialogue will be written like this: "Blah, blah".

 

All the time.   The period should go inside the quotation marks.   And let's not even talk about the dialogue, which was unbelievably stilted. 

 

Blah indeed.   My hopes, they are the Ark. 

 

 

So, yeah, I'm mad.   I'm mad that I finally found a book - and no.    So here we go.   (Plus, I don't have to go into the car and get the Kindle which I thought I would have to.   I'm so not feeling well right now.)

 

From the forward: "Anever...."   

 

I had a sinking feeling when I saw this, in the forward, too: "Adefinite page turner, you will find yourself transported to a world that has becomean entirely different place,outstretching reality as we know it."

 

It's like grammar gone wrong bingo in one sentence. 

 

And yet more: "You must explore this world for yourself in which Fwah has so cleverly created."

 

It's like it doesn't quite end, but there's the period anyway.   

 

The story itself didn't really disappoint.

 

"'But this world is not perfect'."

 

Sighs.   

 

"Oswald smiled, knowing that the Generals answer was more a bias ideal."

 

I'm glad that you know the rules of all the punctuation and are just showing off that knowledge here.   

 

However, robots are described as, "...little metal people..." and I do approve.   That's exactly how I think of them!   Except when they're ginormous metal people. 

 

"...the sky was only filled with thick Grey smoke..."

 

Why is grey capitalized there?

 

"Amongst the humans of society walked the robots, cyborgs, androids, and Automatons."

 

I'd be excited, but I'm wondering what makes automatons so special that they get a capital letter.   Also, the difference between these four categories is never explained - and if it's not important enough to differentiate between them, why make the four kinds known?

 

"He hated most people, but he had the biggest distaste for a small minority who were dubbed the robosexual community."

 

Dear character, 

 

 

"The Counselor sat down in his chair, preparing to make a very bold speech on how he believed that the robosexuals would destroy humanity given half the chance..."

 

Optimus is not done yet. 

 

 

"...on the count of the fact..."

 

On account of the fact, maybe?

 

"...it was in Davids job description..."

 

 

"...the controversial Xeson bill, that if passed would deem robosexuals illegal."

 

Wait, so the people are going to be deemed illegal?

 

 

"'Have ou been reading the paper of late, David'?"  

 

Still wrong.

 

"'I have no problem with robots.  However, I do have a problem when it comes to robots fornicating with human beings.   It's not right.   It's not natural...But Xeson seems to have caused controversy amongst the robosexual's, and has put them in the spot light.'"

 

 

"The Counselor starred David straight in the eyes."

 

I want to know how this works.   

 

 

"'David King, I am arresting you for the murders and assaults of seven victims in the robotsexual community, and on three accounts of braking Oswald's Law...Do you have anything you would like to say'."

 

I keep trying to figure out what's the wrongest thing about this sentence, or where to start.    I can't even say that this sounds exactly like what a lawyer would say with a straight face, though. 

 

"'David seems to have ignored the fact that me and him have not spoken in almost ten years...'"

 

Still wrong.   You wouldn't say that David seems to have ignored the fact that me have not spoken.   I, not me, makes this sentence work properly. 

 

"'...he has once again been found outside a bar looking a little worse for ware'?"

 

 

I'm Arcee in this.   

 

"...for braking Oswald's law..."   

 

Proving that wasn't a one-time mistake.

 

"'I'm here to talk to her about my brother, David king.'"

 

"...reading through a smallmountain of files..."

 

"'I'm Alan king.   David king's brother...'"

 

This next one is one of my favorites.

 

"'Pleases, sit down.'"

 

I keep seeing Golum saying this line.  

 

"Alan moistened his mouth with his tongue."

 

I, uh, I'm pretty sure this isn't how mouths work...

 

 

"David had been staring at the same crack in the wall of his cell, hoping that it would open up and the could escape from the situation he was in."

 

"So did as he asked."

 

"Alan wasn't use to feeling strong..."

 

"'David'Alan began."

 

"...something began to eat away at Alan conscious."

 

"The more our voices get louder, the sooner the pigs in office will listen to us."

 

"...a bright light shinned into his eyes."

 

"..using his stare to look Alan up and down."

 

"Without thought or care, Alan jumped off the couch feeling startled by the phone."

 

It was really careless if he jumped onto the phone.   

 

"The Concrete of the police station hall way hot, and the air was still dry..."

 

"He then panned his glaze towards the cell window which was covered by metal bars..."

 

The whole window?   You really don't want anyone to get out.   You also wonder why make a window in the first place if you're just going to cover it up like that. 

 

"She looked into Alan's eyes with a cold yet caring stare."

 

That is a lot of contradiction in just those last four words!

 

"He could feel bile building in his chest."

 

 

"H e had...

 

"Detective Gleeson pause for a few second..."

 

"...your brothers killer..."

 

"It had been a long time since Alan had tasted a real cup of coffee let alone shared on with an exquisite woman in a coffee shop."

 

So, if it wasn't real coffee, what kind of real coffee was he drinking?

 

"'Fire of all, don't keep calling Detective'. 'Oh, sorry...what should I call you'."

 

"...decided that retaliation would be a good way of causing the dust to settle."

 

 

"It was even worse than when my found about David and my ex wife sleeping together."

 

So much wrong in so little writing.

 

"...the adrenaline was slowly creeping through his veins, and caused his feet to become restless."

 

 

"...the bass line of the tracks that the DJ played took control for eh seas of people and robots on the dance floor.   Brightly colored clothes, and elaborate hair styles swayed through the darkness into the flickering beams of light causing a hypnotizing display of dance."

 

 

"...he would have thought that everyone hear was human."

 

Nope.  

 

"'Everything will be fine'Silvia..."

 

"'Just don't get too comfortable...we don't miss anyone would could help.'"

 

"Alan couldn't believe what he was seeing, but he hadn't seen anything yet."

 

 

"The man starred at her glass eye...before staring back down at his hand."

 

Nice.   

 

"The man bought his shocked glaze back to her face."

 

This sounds... way, way dirtier than it was intended.   

 

 

"Sylvia was mythes at first, but decided to stay close by."

 

"Cyborgs who didn't blend in as well as most of the robots."

 

Explain.   Cyborgs are partially human, so tend to blend in more.   

 

"Alan quickly flopped his hand in the direction of the beaten robot he had partially saved."

 

No, um, Alan helped save with the help of yet other men.   The robot is 100% saved, not partially saved.

 

"...three black cubicle doors.  the middle one was a jar..."

 

Which is it, a jar or a door?

 

"...even through the robots face was facing his partner, his eyes were glued on Alan's shocked expression.   It was as if the robots face had been split down the middle and peeled back just far enough so that the robot could watch his back."

 

Yeah, still not sure how this works...

 

"'Don't be shy.There's always room for one.'"

 

Seeing as two are already involved, I think you mean one more. 

 

"'No...it made me feel...aroused.'"

 

And right after, to clarify, "'But not in a sexual way,' he added."

 

So, what kind of non-sexual arousal are you talking about then, since you were watching a robot and a human have sex?

 

"Alan let an intrigued chuckle."

 

Maybe he's laughing at the incomplete sentence?

 

"'Alan'! she said with more velocity in her voice."

 

That's a lot of words to say she's talking faster.

 

"She could hear a mans voice saying something..."

 

"'Whose Alan' he asked."

 

"'Then what are we waiting for'she said..."

 

Clearly not an editor. 

 

"As she stared in confusion Silvia could banging against the ambulance."

 

Yes, clearly there was no editor involved in the making of this book.

 

"...already opened drivers door..."

 

And here, I'm not going to quote, but Silvia - a police detective - ignores the fact that she can see a man dragging a woman by the hair to save David.   Then regrets having to leave him to save the woman, because she'll be killed otherwise. 

 

For the love of Primus, David will be safe in the ambulance.   Kill the bastard trying to kill you all, then worry about getting him out.

 

Worst detective ever. 

 

"Alan looked at them with concern smeared across his face."

 

"It's database is then filled with a program..."

 

"'Whose this?'"

 

"Counselor hacker slowly turned his body back to face Silvia, making sure that least thing to move was the cold hard stare that he had focused on Alan.   But shortly after his eyes moved, Alan decided to retort."

 

 

"He noticed that her couch was a dark blue... where as his own catch looked..."

 

Couch.   Catch.   Apparently they're the same things now, and I didn't get the memo.

 

"Silvia who was still wearing a visible smile."

 

As opposed to her invisible smiles?

 

"Robots, Androids, what ever you want to refer to them as..."

 

No!   Robots and androids are two separate things.   While androids are robots, not all robots are androids.   

 

"...cause I didn't want to brake her..."

 

"...starring at her..."

 

"He didn't have time to turn around, so instead he mad the presumption..."

 

"he counselor walked over to his podium."

 

That, by the way, is the whole sentence as written in the book. 

 

"'Like All city's in the world...'"

 

People are throwing rotten foods at the counselor because they don't like the talk, but there is a police presence at the debate.   So why aren't the putting a stop to this?  

 

"..lifted her self up just enough for her lips to connect his."

 

"But instead, a small robotic had begun to protrude from her body."

 

I need this now.