Grimlock ♥ Ultra Magnus

Look, I know Slag hates everything, but he especially hates this story.   

And because I'm an idiot, adding that I buddy read this with Cam.  I was so sure I'd remember, it was the first thing I forgot.   -_-   Sorry, Cam!   

Because the cray-cray starts with the dedication: "Dedicated to Ke$ha, because she was born with a tail, is crazy, and likes to steal bicycles.   I promise to write one with unicorns for you too, baby!  Oh, and I hope rehab is going well."

I mean, I just don't know where to start.   Because this sounds like erotica written specifically for Ke$ha, but being published for all our entertainment.   And does anyone else think that rehab thought was kinda an afterthought?

I pretty much knew this was gonna be nuts after reading that.   And don't get me wrong, I really love Ke$ha's music, but I'm not sure she's actually a role model or anything... Or someone I'd be comfortable calling 'baby' since that's kinda weird all by itself. 

Come see the actual story review - if you dare...

"Black Kenny used to lead  her tribe, until the men decided to take to butt-fuckery, running off into the high hills to be with each other, leaving the women to fend for themselves."

Where do I start with the fuckery?   I mean, clearly, there are butt-fuckery jokes, but that's too easy.   Let's start with the fact that the men all spontaneously decided they were gay at once.   Whut now?

But why do the men run off, because dinosaurs are roaming about and clearly they don't believe in strength in numbers, I guess.   I mean, they have to run off to the high hills to fuck each other?   They can't be like, 'we're here, we're queer, fuck off ladies while we all do our butt-fuckery?'   

I just... there are so many potholes in *one* sentence. 

"They had devolved into two-pump chumps, incapable of being aroused by the vagina, focusing solely on the ass, which produced no offspring."  

I just... two-pump chumps?   Is this a slur/phrase I'm not aware of?   WHAT'S GOING ON?   Also, yeah, this is totally how it works.   One day you wake up and a switch is flipped, and suddenly vagina's are unattractive.   I'm awed by the nuanced understanding of sexuality. Bowled over.   

"Specifically, Liwen liked to pee standing up and  her pussy smelled like rotting and diseased triceratops flesh."

Why wouldn't you use another kind of dinosaur since you're obviously going to go with triceratops sex?  

"The bull three-horned face was already on top of the cow, mounting her from behind and trusting wildly with his giant member."

Sometimes an 'h' makes all the difference in a word. 

"His orgasm filled the valley with a loud, almost sonic, boom..."  

I will pay money for a video of someone asking - with a straight face - if this the real cause for the dinosaur's extinction.   Ask a paleontologist with straight face, and tape their reaction.   Please, please, for the love of Primus, please someone do this...

"Pascale Hunts was the most experience hunter..."

You don't need all the letter in a word.

"Pascale's features where manly."

I think I found where the 'h' in thrust went!

"The triceratops were banging again."

Yeah, this is supposed to be hot.  I guess. 

(I needed some hotness.   One of the two in back is slag, who turns into a triceratops.)

"'Mother love bone,' she snapped.  'I'm going to kill.'"  

This sounds like the sentence wasn't finished...

"Madhu crawled the last twenty yards through the tress, happy that the dew on the leaves quieted her movements."  

I feel like the author might not know what dew means.   Enjoy the GIF because it makes about as much sense to use it here as that sentence does...

"Then the most wonderful thing in the world happened.   The bull's hard cock got stuck in Madhu's gushing wet well."

"'Stinky, I may have sucked fourteen dicks tonight, and I was prepared to suck more, if Madhu hadn't ruined it, that bitch,' Pascale said, 'but I'm not touching your nappy cock cave.'"

...

Yeah, Madhu's the bitch.   Not Pascale.   

"'That's right, I will bang the t-rex.   And I will bonk-bonk harder than you,' Liwen said.  'Then you will all bow before me, and kiss my coochie, bitches.'"

Well, it's good to know that women were always bitches in high school cliques.   

Also, bonk-bonk?   I feel like someone out of touch with everything having to do with sex wrote this.   

You don't.  Not until you've read this fuckery.