Grimlock ♥ Ultra Magnus

Wouldn't you feel so super comfy if the CIA started hiring serial killers?   And not just serial killers, but serial killers who have trouble staying in the real world as opposed to their glorious little daydreams of Kill-land.   If so, follow the link. 

 

 

Yeah.   That's what this book is.   Whereas in Dexter, Dexter has to hide his proclivities, and activities, because otherwise he'll be arrested and possibly executed, Odette is... hired.   By the CIA.   To be their assassin.  BECAUSE THIS IS TOTALLY HOW THE CIA WORKS!

 

FUUUUUUCK.   Fuck this book sideways with the Star Saber.   

 

And to train other serial killer to be assassins.   Because she is super special and not like other serial killers.  (This is, in fact, true in some ways.   She associates with serial killers, then doesn't, and claims to be one before her first murder.   She's also different because she's kinda a Mary Sue, but whatever.  Yeah, she keeps bragging about how she's different, and the then CIA Man tells her she's different from any other serial killer he's met -_-)

 

Fuck.   Just fuck this whole fucking book.   You know what I want to do to this book?

 

 

Kill it.  Kill it with fire. 

 

 

Oh, I'm sorry, yes, I'm trying to counter the pain with the sexy.   

 

I just can't even... 

 

Here, have the highlights from the last like seventy percent: 

 

I had been reading a lot since I came to college on notorious killers;

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 245). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

A college that studies only serial killers?   Fuck, yeah, this doesn't sound like a  CIA trap.   "Would you like to go to murderer college?   Yes?   Please put these handcuffs on."

 

Serial Killer College?   Also might make the most fucking sense out of everything in this book, so...

 

If I were to kill someone, which I was planning on killing someone, not sure, who it was going to be yet, I would do it on the tracks.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 257-258). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

I think this sentence thinks it's making sense, but it just doesn't.   She's planning on killing someone, but she's not sure who, and she wants to kill them on the tracks.   Instead of saying this, it sounds like she's waffling between killing someone or not. 

Fuck.   Just... fuck.   We're also not fifty percent in.   Yay.   

 

So I sat, drinking my coffee, thinking about the parents I had but didn’t.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 281-282). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

THIS!   This whole fucking sentence.   How doe sit make so little sense in so little time, and using so few words?

 

They have already started to recruit others like me, though none of them are like me, they are all men and they really are fucked up; badly. I guess you could say I am the sane insane serial killer, these guys are lunatics. I have been promoted to head trainer and lead assassin.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 287-288). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Don't you feel safe?   THE LEAST INSANE SERIAL KILLER IS IN CHARGE OF THE MORE INSANE SERIAL KILLERS!     The world is finally safe. 

 

Because, this doesn't sound like the shittiest way ever to keep people safe.   I mean, clearly the sane people are not keeping us safe so DERANGED KILLERS must be the way to go.   

 

FUUUUUUUCK. 

 

I need this guys. 

 

 

How the eyes are is really the key, the gateway into a person.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 291-292). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

GUYS, GUYS, the eyes are is really the key!   Because if you're not sure of your tenses, just use both.   ONE HAS TO BE RIGHT, AMIRIGHT?

 

I am a lioness who needs to feed, needs to fill my empty stomach with death. That is the message I need to tell my pupils, make sure they understand that this is why we should, need to kill.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 296-297). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

She then goes on about how you shouldn't kill just for fun, although it's more fun when you do it just for fun.   So you should just kill because you really, really need to?   

 

Got it. 

 

I clenched my right fist and slammed him with my strong right hook of a bitch punch.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 327). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

A bitch punch?   

 

 

  

“Well, he, James, I was really drunk and kind of high... we had sex.” She put her hands up to her face and started to cry. He raped her. I placed my hands on hers and held her close. “You mean he raped you?” I asked her, she nodded her head.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 396-398). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Odette's best friend tells her this.  She could be crying because she feels shitty about betraying her best friend, but no, Odette can see into the hearts of men, and know their thoughts!

 

Seriously, why is rape the first thing that jumps to her mind?   Nothing indicates this, especially how okay Amanda is with people randomly touching her.   What the fuck?

 

She then leaves her friend with James, her rapist, who is going to put her to bed.   And then later worries that her friend might be dead.   Instead of, say, not letting her friend go off alone with a man who's raped her in the past.   She is the shittiest friend.  Ever. 

 

I heard someone coming down the stairs, his smell and the way he walked, it was James.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 443). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

She heard his smell.   That's some super sharp hearing there.  

 

He pulled me close to him, his eyes consumed with beating me, defiling me.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 478-479). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

His eyes say yes, his mind and body say no.   

 

I whipped the tears away as new ones replaced the old ones.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 482). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Are you crying again because whipping away tears really, really has to hurt?   

 

Little penis twizzle!

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 491-492). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Little penis twizzle actually amused the fuck out of me.   Bravo book.   Three words are awesome, the rest are full of fail.

 

Once his tongue was in the right spot I brought my strong, white, pearly fangs down into his fleshy tongue. I tore his fucking tongue off, his warm blood flooded my mouth as he yelled and rolled off of me.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 497-498). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Actually asked a doctor.   This isn't physically possible. 

 

I am a serial killer

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 502). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Nope.   One kill=/=serial killer. 

 

 

He has more than four kills under his belt.   HE is a serial killer. 

 

You really did treat me right, but you raped my friend and well I need to kill you. So you got the short string and now you are going to die.” I told him with my deadly gaze.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 506-507). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Drawing the short straw implies bad luck.  He, however, made a shitty decision that's coming back to haunt him.   Fail.  

 

Also, why is your deadly gaze not killing him if it's so deadly?

 

reproductive agents

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 520). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

For some reason, calling his dangly bits reproductive agents makes me giggle like crazy.

 

Our eyes met, I could see death in his eyes and on his face.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 532). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

And then you freak out.   Because Death is sitting on someone's face, and that's more strange than anyone can handle. 

 

I thrust my hand up into his diaphragm, now he only had seconds as his lungs would now collapse from the negative pressure.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 543-544). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Negative pressure.  You don't know what it is.  

 

I could now feel his frustration with the situation as well, the hot heat emanating from his cool body as he sat there in that chair.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 566-567). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Hot heat is emanating from his cool body.   Because that's how hot and cold work. 

 

“A serial killer is concerned with the wellbeing of someone else. That is a first for me.”

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 595-596). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

THIS IS NOT HOW SERIAL KILLERS WORK!   Why is research so fucking hard?

 

“Well I am one of a kind.” I replied in a sweet voice. “Yes you are.”

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 612-613). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

FUCKING MARY SUES!   Fuck.  I'm sorry about all the yelling.   This is just so fucking bad. 

 

“Really? I have sparked the interest of uh…. what branch are you with? CIA, FBI or some other branch?” I asked him. “Yes, you sparked our interest. Did you think taking out all those books on famous killers and researching the things you did on top of being enrolled in a Forensic Science degree would go unnoticed ?”

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 627-630). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

The CIA picked her up because she's studying forensics and took out books on serial killers?   THIS TOTALLY SOUNDS LIKE HOW THE CIA OPERATES!   Because logically, no one studying crime would ever be taking out shitloads of books on murderers so something funky is going on there.  -_-

 

“Well you clearly are good at killing. You’ve been killing since you were really young and that skill has shined through. The way you killed James last night showed us, that we don’t want you running amuck on the streets without being watched.”

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 638-639). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

WHAT?   She's really good at killing, so the CIA decided that her first human kill was spectacular enough for them to work for them. 

 

Fuck logic.   Fuck reality.   This is just... Fuck. 

 

We raided your apartment last night, going to arrest you.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 643). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

No clue if they're going to arrest her now, or were going to last night.   Because nothing in this book makes sense.  Nothing. 

 

His eyes looked softer, yet fierce.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 649). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Oh my god.   Someone doesn't get the concept of opposites. 

 

Geez, a normal person would go crazy ; I’d recommend professional help for this guy. He looks like he needs it, looks like he needs a good fuck, a tall glass of more alcohol, and some porn to go with all of that.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 654-655). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

From the girl who isn't qualified to talk, much less diagnose someone.   

 

They might never wake from their sex drug coma.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 658). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

I want to start a band called Sex Drug Coma.   I don't even play an instrument, but I want that band now, dammit!

 

This guy’s eyes looked at me from their judgmental point of view.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 661). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

No clue.   No.   Fucking.  Clue.  

 

“We find serial killers, such as you, train them, make sure they are loyal to the CIA, make sure they have nowhere to go but here, we make them assassins and send them out into the world with targets.” Kevin explained.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 677-678). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

No.   NONONONONO.   THIS IS NOT HOW THE CIA WORKS. 

 

In many cases we just want our targets dead.”

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 680). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

This is not something you tell someone who doesn't work for you yet, and hasn't signed anything saying they won't talk.   

 

We give you people we want dead, and you kill them for us, satisfying everything that a serial killer craves.”

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 683-684). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

I'm so glad the government is concerned with serial killers satisfying their cravings.   This sounds like it's a totally rational thing to be concerned with. 

 

I wish I could throw this book across the room.   

 

I really wanted to know who this man was, he sounded like a badass. From what I have gathered from the little they spoke of him.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Locations 714-715). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Consider that what she really knows is that she'll get along with him.   I hate this MC.  I hate her so much. 

 

“Come let’s get you ready to kill.” Mike told me as he held out his hand. I smiled as I took his hand and left the white walled room.

Jarest, C.A. (2013-02-20). A Serial Killers Guide: Dexter's Final Cut, Dexter, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter, Dexter in the Dark, Dexter By Design, Dexter Is Delicious, Double Dexter Tribute - Episode 1 (Kindle Location 727). WheelMan Press. Kindle Edition.

 

THIS IS HOW THE BOOK ENDS.   THIS.   

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!  

 

I need this guys.  

 

 

 

 

 Reading challenge: 10/500