I'm a well read grad student who's bluntly honest about all things, although I try to be most honest about myself.
"My body is all over the place as I force myself to walk..."
Your *body* is all over the place? Ooookay then.
"I'm breathless when he ducks his head to my neck and drags in a long, deep inhale of me."
This has to be the most awkward way to phrase this. You inhale scents, not people. You drag in a long inhalation, not an inhale. Why is this so convoluted, and it's somehow about that one word?
"...between my legs, I feel a painful little clench of need."
It's like her vajayjay sends her brain a signal that she's in need of medical attention. And Brooke decides that medical attention=sex.