Grimlock ♥ Ultra Magnus

This was rather bland after the horrific child ape-rape that I cannot unsee.  

But it had some good parts, a lot of it due to typos.   Come see!

39% in: "...the sight of my pert exposed breast, the nipples hard like little pebbles from teh cold air..."  

When i was in high school, I dated a guy with three nipples.   I just thought I'd throw that in there. 

45% in: "Living in a Tea House surrounded by pretty girls, It is not everyday that I get to bath with such handsome men."  

You totally understand capitalization.   Good on you.

63% in: "It was like cold, yet beautiful, other world which glittered like the finest diamonds."   Sentences.   They need all the words.   All of them.

66% in: "I must have fainted from shock at that point and fallen off the veranda in to the soft snow beneath as I have to memory of what happened next."     

To and no.   They are not the same words. 

74% in: "A tongue whose dimensions would shame many a man's privates in comparisons."   

Suck it, men.   Suck it hard.   You don't compare to yeti tongue!

95% in: "...non the less..."  

One letter off. 

"Several of the younger and more virile guests were no in the possession of bulges of some size in their laps.  One, who was sat cross legged, had even allowed his prick to rise free of his robes and sat their with it proudly erect for all to see."   

why is the no in the middle of were and in?   Also, their and there.   They are not the same words. 

That's about all.   I have much more to say in my next review, however...