I'm a well read grad student who's bluntly honest about all things, although I try to be most honest about myself.
"
With one hand, I reach up and begin to cradle the bitcoin’s hanging balls, watching as his stomach muscles begin to tense and release spastically."
So, basically extreme distress. I mean, this is how I feel before I vomit, personally, so this is what I'm expecting at this point.
Also, how are you blowing something that you admit in this story has no physical form? How does that thing have a physical form?
Or... is your magical realism as successful as your foreshadowing? /sarcasm