I'm a well read technosexual who's bluntly honest about all things, although I try to be most honest about myself.
Sending Jessica dirty texts.
I'm sorry I suck at spending my time so badly, Jessica.
It involves her huge birthday package. I was going to make one about it being so big it would destroy her porch, but I decided it was so bad, the whole world should see it instead.
And then see what hyperbole really looks like when she gets my really average sized package. *glances at it sitting next to me, accusing me of fucking off instead of showering and then sending it so it can come*
It's also mad I overhyped it because now it's worried that it won't rise to the occasion. And, no, there are zero pills in there, and I'm pretty sure the case isn't weird enough for the doctor already involved with my package problem. (It'll make sense - or not - once the package is safely inserted into the house.)
My dirty huge package is getting pretty gross, so I'm going to stop making these jokes.