Grimlock ♥ Ultra Magnus

When I first got into comics, I was a huge, huge Wolverine fan.  I still consider myself a fan.   Yes, I know the arguments that he's a Mary Sue, or that he's too powerful since he couldn't really die for a while, or that...

Well, I know.  I know he was broken, and complex, and he meant a great deal to me as my first real comic book obsession.   I also love laughing at the things I love; I purposefully read negative reviews of this character, and his titles, especially if they are snarky.   Those reviews are always insightful and often times not only make me laugh, but make me reconsider why I liked him so much: when people say true but negative things about things I like, I consider what that truth means.  It means I like something despite its flaws.  I have stumbled upon very few books that were perfection (More Than Meets the Eye, guys) and therefore if I only liked something perfect, I would like very little. 

It's convoluted thinking, but it helped me justify liking problematic and imperfect things when I felt a great deal of anxiety about these things, and when my hobbies and reading and TV therapies became anxiety-inducing for me.   It's not something I expect other people to understand, much less for them to feel the same way about these things.   I just want to go into a little background for why I loved Wolverine, why I still do, and why I like this particular comic.   

I wasn't aware of the issues people had when I first started tracking down every single Wolverine issue I could find.  I was just compulsively reading everything with him in it that I could get my hands on at the time.   I slowly became aware of online blogs and reviews, and started paying attention at a later date, and by that time I was in love with the character.   I also believe I got offended and part of me wanted to defend the books, but I never really lashed out.  It was other people and while it might have made Angsty-Teen Me sad that not everyone could feel the amazing feels I had, hey, their loss.   (Inner-Voice Teen Me was super obnoxious.)

My views have since evolved, obviously.   And yes, I realize so far this review is just about me, but I'm trying to untangle my emotions ever since The Death of Wolverine.   Because I understand why they killed him off: he was an overbearing presence, and then you add to that fact that people theorize that Marvel is trying to slowly phase out all the characters they don't have the movie rights to, and it makes sense.   They don't own X-Men and this might be them trying to keep everything in-house comics wise tied to their cinematic universe.   But even without that piece, Wolverine loomed over a lot of the Marvel universe.   It makes sense that they killed him - and kinda kept him dead, although Old Man Logan - because it gives the Marvel-verse, particularly the mutant related Marvel-verse, a little more of a clean slate.   Kind of like they could tell new stories that Xavier's presence would have hampered by keeping him dead.   (I doubt he would have allowed Cyclops to get as bad as he'd gotten, even if he'd had to use force and mind-tricks, and methods he would have much preferred he didn't have to use.   Then again, at some point, he'd have to let Cyclops make his own decisions - but no doubt Schism and what happened after would have played out far differently.)

The thing is, this is too personal.  I feel detached when thinking about The Death of Logan, and all that happens after but involves him, like the Wolverines series.   And the all-new Wolverine is his female clone, Laura, paying homage to him by using her own version of his classic yellow and blue costume.   It's supposed to make readers feel nostalgic, I suppose, but it just reminds me that he's not there.   Then again, kudos to them for creating a character that I came to feel this deeply for him.   Years after his death, I still find myself actively grieving for him. 

This book is wonderful.   It is about the journey to becoming a hero even after you've been battered, your identity stolen, and after you've been raised and trained to be a killer and a human weapon.   It's about the fact that you still have the urge to kill, but don't.   Basically, everything that I liked about Logan - the complexity, the moral issues, the journey - are still there, but marred by his absence.   I absolutely loved this book.   If it didn't remind me so much that he wasn't there, I would have undoubtedly rated this five stars. 

I especially love the relationship between Warren - Angel - and Laura - Wolverine.   It was funny, it was charming, and it showed her struggling to have a relationship with him.   He's struggling, too, though as they both are still navigating what the relationship is and what the boundaries are.   (She isn't shy at all about telling him what they are.  Two of my favorite panels are about them:

Until the end, I thought this story was all about a terrorist and how Laura was trying to help the world.   At the end, I found out it was much more, it was personal and that it was far more sinister than I'd ever thought.   Brilliant of the author, to be honest, because it took it to a new level without me even realizing what was coming.  

Not sure if I'll continue this.  I got this as part of the grab bag sets, and didn't realize this would be part of this.  I think.   Either way, I have to decide if my sadness over Wolverine being gone is worth pushing through to this.   I felt a little bit of a lump in my throat throughout this, and I feel like crying a little now that this is out there.   Sorry, guys, I didn't realize this was going to be such a long review until all my feels just started spilling out at the beginning.  I considered deleting, or cutting down this review, but after a brief pause, it felt important, at least to me.   If anything, I have this here for myself.   

I wrote this review for myself, and really only myself, and I didn't realize it until now.  Of course, I'd love if someone got something from it, but it's enough that I wrote it and that it made me consider everything I felt about this character that meant so much to me, and still means a lot.