Grimlock ♥ Ultra Magnus

This is really super short.   PWP short.   And it's not sexy, like, at all.   It's just redonkulous.  

More behind the cut.   

13%: "It was hot and sticky with no end in sight for her for quite some time, being that it was a day in early July, and so Sabrina's best bet at cooling off from the heat was to walk down to that pond and wade in the cool waters there."

Why is the sentence structure so goddamn fucked?   No end in sight for her?   How about no end in sight to the heat and humidity, which I assume affects everyone, and not just her?   The run-on nature of this sentence?   But, yeah, we're off to a good start.  /sarcasm. 

16%: "The pond was was fairly clear, obscured by trees, and far enough away from the highway that she would be able to ditch her clothes completely before sinking into the blue green waters to cool herself off."  

Again, sentence structure is just plain fucked.   "The pond, with fairly clear water, was obscured by trees and far away enough..."   But, yeah, the water in the pond is clear, and this just bugged me. 

25%: "Sabrina knew the older couple that owned this land, however, and so she wasn't trespassing by being here.   Although if Mr. and Mrs. Kempton knew that she skinny dipped in here, and did not wade in the pool with her bikini on, it was quite likely that they would revoke their permission for her to be there."

So many problems in such a short time.   The first sentence says that knowing someone means you aren't trespassing, and while the second sentence makes it clear that she has permission and thus isn't trespassing, it only means it contradicts the first, incorrect sentence.   

Also, doesn't it seem kind of weird to skinny dip on personal property knowing that the owners wouldn't approve?   That just seems like taking advantage of someone's kindness.  I don't want to see Sabrina have orgasms; I want to see her gain some respect for her neighbors.   

Also, a pond and a pool?   Not the same thing. 

37%: "Sabrina was not wearing a brassiere underneath her shirt, and once the shirt was off, her firm perky breasts peaked out like a proud peacock."   

Really?   Both breasts peaked out like one peacock and not a pair of them?   Also, peaked out seems weird.  They are all out there, aren't they?   Are they just looking out to see if it's cold enough that they'll retreat back into her chest somehow?

49%:  "It took a few minutes for the water's motion to settle again, and in those moments, she closed her eyes, and just allowed herself to take in the myriad of sensations."

So, a few minutes is 'moments'?   Also, she was leaning back to soak her hair.   It seems like a couple minutes is an awfully long time for the water to settle.   Also, motion+water makes me think waves/she's rocking the whole pond, so awkward.   

Also, myriad of sensations isn't lazier than telling us what those sensations are, thus making us feel the sexytimes.   Nope, it's way more awesome to just vague it up, because that's soooo much more effective.    

79%: "She only hesitated for a moment before following the creature, and laying down with her legs spread open to receive the monster's offering."   

...

Really, if I thought of my potential sexual partner as a tentacle monster - and it's only described as a huge tentacle, like a worm or something - then I wouldn't hesitate a moment, then spread my legs.   I'd run the fuck away.   Fuck that mind control bullshit.    

84%: "The tentacle circled her left breast, licking her nipple in an impossible fast motion while his tail end slowly breached her opening."

A vagina is, I suppose, technically a 'her opening.'    But, wow, that has to be one of the unsexiest things a tentacle monster could call any of my lady parts. 

Also, the tentacle licked her nipple?   Because I haven't seen evidence of a, say, mouth or tongue yet...

95%: "While the tentacle continued to fuck her senseless, it wrapped itself tightly around her naked form like a python circling around her and teasing some of her more sensitive regions."

If it's fucking her senseless, why is it also trying to arouse her?   Senseless implies she wouldn't be able to feel those teases.   Also, 'more sensitive regions'?   See my rant about laziness and ineffectiveness about being vague and showing rather than telling up at 49%.   Repeat it in an angrier voice here.   

And these are some of the sexier parts of this story.   Fail all around!