Grimlock ♥ Ultra Magnus

Look, I could bitch about the fetishization, but it's going to be funnier if I just give examples and then snark hard on them, because this kind of upset me. 

"His rock-hard muscles moved with a liquid grace, and his smooth face was bright and eager to serve his commanding officer."

Well, it is gay military porn, so it would be far more odd if his face wasn't eager to serve his commanding officer!

There's a part of this scene later on when she's asking the guy behind the counter about what cigarette's he'd smoke if his husband was gay - and had been for twenty years.   Complaining that he didn't allow her to smoke, she says, 'imagine, him judging what I put in my mouth, when all the time they were...' and she makes like each hand is holding a cock, giving her a blowjob.   I wanted a GIF of that, and couldn't find it.  

'"In the unlikely even something breaks...'"

Because spellcheck=an editor, apparently. 

"It was quieter this time, but still deafeningly loud enough to echo through the country side.  It was a man's voice..."

That you can hear, even though the noise was deafening.   Also, if it was deafening and the first one was louder, then how did Brock even hear the second noise?

"Brock tried to shield his eyes and block out some of the light, but it was blindingly bright.  He could see the shape of the tank..."

Though the blindness?   I think not!

"Brock was right u against the side of the tank now."

My favorite part of this sentence is that the word was just two letters, and the author managed to mess that u.

"He stroked the mighty tank's long, smooth gun barrel, overwhelmed by its raw power."

And then he put it in him.   Oh, wait, no, I've just read too much Cybertronian/human fanfic...

"Brock felt a surge of strange, confusing feeling, like a liquid heat coalescing deep inside his belly."

Wait, wait, is the protagonist a virgin old enough to be n the army?   Fair enough.   But he also is confused by lust.  I don't think lust works that way.   I mean, if you're not going to get aroused by the time your eighteen, I'm not sure it just... flips on.   

Then again, Pat does have a long, smooth gun barrel...   

"A hatch opened near the front of cockpit below the monitor and a huge cock and balls slid out.

'It's so big...' Brock said in wonderment."

You're probably wondering why the army gave a transhuman tank a dick, complete with balls.  No worry, guys, it gets weirder.

"'Those idiot engineers forgot to give me a cock, so I had to build my own.  I made it using my 3-D fabrication unit.   It's just like the real thing, exactly what I had when I was a human,' Pat said."

Aren't engineers problem solvers?   So why would they give him balls, but no cock?   And did they not expect him to be able to make one of his own since they gave him a 3-D fabrication unit?   I just...

This makes none of the sense.   None of it.   Every time I'm like, 'well, it should make some sense at all,' no, no it doesn't.   There is no way the engineers would do this unless they were sadists.   And then they wouldn't do this while giving him the very obvious means to fix the problem himself if they were sadists.   And at all competent.  

"he had never been with another man, but somehow this felt right to him."

"He wasn't exactly sure about how all the technical aspects of this worked, but it was clear his efforts were paying off."

Well, he's fucking a tank with a cock, so I'm pretty sure we're all confused!

"'Pat, I want you to take me.   I've never done this before, but I want your giant tank cock to be my first,' Brock said."

I was going to say something hilarious, but then realized I couldn't top that quote.

And I shall leave you with this: 

"Brock gasped in surprise as the pure ecstasy of Pat's pseudo-mouth began to suck on him with an incredible intensity."

I think I'm gonna do some dinporn as my next monster porn foray.   Those are always super-hilarious.   

Oh, yes, I created a new shelf for these, too.   Unintentional comedy.