I'm a well read technosexual who's bluntly honest about all things, although I try to be most honest about myself.
Oddly Normal is a half-witch with green hair and pointy ears, none of which make her popular. Not even if her classmate's don't realize she's a half-witch. It does't help that her parents are so over the moon in love with each other that they don't seem to notice what an outcast Oddly is; the sense of loneliness and isolation is, in fact, only sharpened because she's aware of this fact.
I suspect that since we're getting this from ten-year-old Oddly's point of view, her parents are getting the short end of the stick. Their denial that year after year, Oddly can't find a friend to bring home for her birthdays does seem to hint at the neglect that Oddly feels. They do, however, notice when she does something odd when she makes her wish. They plan parties, and keep encouraging her to bring home friends, they buy her presents, and there's no indication that there's abuse. All that is to say, it's hard to say since we see so little of how they treat her. A couple pages of this are Oddly at school, more going home on the bus, and then she's shuffled off to her bedroom while her mother puts the finishing touches on Oddly's birthday party and her father makes his way home from school.
Oddly seem to feel things keenly and thus I find her an unreliable narrator. Not out of malice, but simply because she feels things so deeply it seems to seep into all her thoughts. So far, I found her parents a little flaky, but deeply committed to their daughter - and her happiness - even if they don't seem to be able to help her find friends. I found them, and their backstory, charming, and I wished I'd gotten to see more of that.
Oddly is a little bratty towards her parents, but more of an adult than most would be at her age and given the constant abuse she gets at school. I'm willing to hold off my opinion once we get to know more about her, as I feel that the ending to this and the hint of the next issue indicate that she's going to have to grow up quite fast now and become less bratty because of it in the end. And I'd be more than willing to give issue two a second chance.
Note: the Kindle edition says this is 128 pages for free, but it's not. It's really a little over thirty, and probably close to 28 without ads. I think someone just put down the one in front of the 28 accidentally and oops...
Of Yinsen: "Knowing he could not elevate them to his level, he refused to permit them to drag him down to theirs."
Such a powerful line!
I needed this, a nice, easy reread.
And also, Jarvis! Jarvis has always had a sexy voice, but now that it's Vision's voice as well, it does more for me :D
First she insults the appearance of a woman, calling her "physically repulsive in appearance," before saying this about her: "With a presentation that was about as erotic as phone sex with Andrea Dworkin - or actual sex with Andrea Dworkin, come to think of it..."
Page 8: "A chief ingredient of the liberal religion is the beastilization of humanity. So on one hand, we have to give up SUVs, snowmobiles, and indoor plumbing, but on the other hand, at least we get the funky bestial behavior. (Including actual beastiality - keep reading!)"
I want to stop talking about beastiality. She's the one obsessed with the idea so far and I think she should jump online, watch some, and stop making us read about it, to be frank.
Page 3: "They deny what we know about ourselves: that we are moral beings in God's image. Without this fundamental understanding of man's place in the world, we risk being lured into misguided pursuits, including bestiality, slavery, and PETA membership."
Look, I feel like one of those doesn't belong. How is PETA membership on par with bestiality or slavery? Also, I was an atheist, an agnostic, and now a disciple of something that I refuse to explain here due to stalkers and mockery. My god is not the Christian god, although my journey through different religions as well as my liberalism has never made me want to fuck animals, stop eating them, or own someone.
Page four: "We say humans re in God's image; they say we are no different morally than apes."
Never have I seen anyone misunderstand evolution more than this here. We're saying we started out as apes, which has nothing to do with our current morals. When I read this out loud to someone, they questioned whether apes have morals. I think they do, but that they're vastly different than ours.
Page 6: "It was the worst nuclear disaster in history - finally giving us a nuclear power plan that killed more people than died in Teddy Kennedy's car."
One of the least classy sentences I've read, so I need a drink.
Page 6: Of Chernobyl, she gives a quote from the New York Times about how Chernobyl wasn't quite as dire as predicted at first. She then says, "Instead of tens of thousands of cancer deaths from acute radiation exposure, there were only 4,000. Only 50 deaths were directly attributable to the explosion. There has been no increase in leukemia, birth defects or fertility problems in the surrounding area."
It's nice to know that, since she can afford to live far away from nuclear power plants, she's willing to let 'only 4,000' people die so she can have nuclear energy.
I'm doubling down and listening to the third debate while reading this. Yay?
So. Much. Love.
The only question is why didn't I get this earlier? I think I'm going to rip through all my Marvel prose novels while taking breaks from Coulter.
"Liberal doctrines are less scientifically provable than the story of Noah's ark, but their belief system is taught as fact in government schools, while the Biblical belief system is banned from government schools by law. As a matter of faith, liberals believe: Darwinism is a fact, people are born gay, child-molesters can be rehabilitated, recycling is a virtue, and chastity is not."
I was reading this - which I got from the libraries because I became interested after reading more about Trump and the republican party - while paying for groceries and I honked out a bitter laugh. The woman ringing me up gave me a strange look and I explained why I was reading this, and why I found it funny.
"Why must children be taught that recycling is the only answer? Why aren't we teaching children 'safe littering'?"
I don't understand. What's safe littering? And what exactly is so awful about recycling?
"This is something else that can't be taught in government schools: Muslim' prediction for violence."
So I bought a bottle of wine when shopping for groceries. This is why I need it.
This was short, and that was a blessing. It wasn't nearly as clever, or funny, as the book I just read, and it was certainly grosser: so much sex, so much talk of incest.
That being said, here are some of the quotes I liked the best:
"I told you it was a good ting we had you show your titties in the video," said my husband, Adolf.
Melonie, Eva B. (2016-10-18). He Grabbed Me by the P****! How the B... uh, Millionaire Seduced Me, Then Pimped Me Out for Presidential Endorsements (Parody, Satire) (Kindle Location 29). UNKNOWN. Kindle Edition.
A good ting. So we know this is going to be well edited right off the bat :/
I couldn't blame him, my pussy was wet as hell, just thinking about The Big Orange grabbing it, like I heard he likes to do.
Melonie, Eva B. (2016-10-18). He Grabbed Me by the P****! How the B... uh, Millionaire Seduced Me, Then Pimped Me Out for Presidential Endorsements (Parody, Satire) (Kindle Locations 44-45). UNKNOWN. Kindle Edition.
I know I should feel awful about it, but I'm laughing. I'm not even sure why, but I guess it seems so ridiculous to think of a woman who would want that? I suppose there are some out there, though...
Golly! His breath was minty fresh.
Melonie, Eva B. (2016-10-18). He Grabbed Me by the P****! How the B... uh, Millionaire Seduced Me, Then Pimped Me Out for Presidential Endorsements (Parody, Satire) (Kindle Location 65). UNKNOWN. Kindle Edition.
So his lips are magnetic and minty. Alteration, at least?
A girl never gets tired of hearing herself compared to a magnet, let me tell you. Especially if he's a billionaire or a millionaire or whatever.
Melonie, Eva B. (2016-10-18). He Grabbed Me by the P****! How the B... uh, Millionaire Seduced Me, Then Pimped Me Out for Presidential Endorsements (Parody, Satire) (Kindle Locations 185-186). UNKNOWN. Kindle Edition.
This book isn't as good as the faux memoir, but it's got a couple laughs when it makes some digs at the more outrageous things Trump's said or done.
That was the best this book had to offer. Here's hoping the next one is better. And I promise, I'll drop this once the election is over, at least if Clinton wins. If Trump wins, I can't say.
This is a satirical look at what would happen if Trump was sabotaging himself so Clinton got elected. The forward, which is written by the author and in his own voice, sets the scenario up logically: why else would Trump shoot himself in the foot so often? Add to this the fact that he's made contributions to the Clinton's in the past (although on Google I can only find contributions to the Clinton Foundation), and if you look at Trump's claims that business does better under democrats than republicans, it makes sense for him to want a democrat in office.
I'm not saying that this is really the case, but rather showing that the author did research, and put together a factual argument for this being the case, rather than just writing crackfic, and putting together an outrageous premise and running with it. I'm not saying crackfic doesn't have it's place, and done properly, it can be a whole lot of fun. I'm not even looking down on crackfic, but given the tone of this book which mimics Trump pretty perfectly, I think that the research and reasonableness add to the mimicry to make this seem more real. More solid. One or the other wouldn't make sense, but together, this comes together to make a perfect book.
The rest of the book is Trump's confession on sabotaging the republicans. It's a humorous, unofficial 'memoir' that skewers Trump's whole race. It's clever, and it's subversive of the memoir genre, and this election in general. It's actually fare more classy than I expected, too. I downloaded almost everything that was free about Trump, not expecting much from any of them, and then this came along.
Trump's smarminess ooziness throughout this book. He's the best, he could have won, no doubt, if he'd wanted to. He's just aware that what he's saying is stupid and racist and he's looking down on those who agree with him. See, he wants to make America great again, he just has to show everyone how stupid and ignorant they've gotten first. This is all just a huge prank!
It works on a couple different levels for me. It's funny to know Trump would be pissed off if he knew about this book, and it also calms my anxiety about him potentially winning. Also, as a role-player, I obsessed over speech patterns. I would watch the shows again and again to nail it. The author here does that. He plays around with it a little: a whole book, no matter how short, in Trump's rambling, incoherency would be painful. He curbs that, even erases it, but uses enough of the short sentences, overconfidence, bravado, and other quirks in Trump's speech that it still smacks of authenticity.
I laughed out loud more than I have during this election. Thanks, book. Thanks, author. I needed this, so much that I looked up if he had any other books. He does, but it's about Lil' Wayne. I'm intrigued, but I know so little about Lil' Wayne. I've had a couple songs I liked where he's been singing along with the main artist, but I don't really know his body of work. I'm impressed enough with this short freebie to make it a point to listen to some of Lil' Wayne's work before I decide on if I want to read a whole book about him.
By the way, I also tweeted the author about loving this book. It's going to be free for a couple days longer - four yesterday and closer to three, maybe three and a half - today. Here's the link to download it. It's my favorite thing to come out of this election cycle so far.
But the way I ran, I shouldn’t have gotten a single vote. Not one. Wake up.
Kent, Kreston (2016-07-12). Unauthorized Trump: How I Handed Hillary the Presidency (Kindle Locations 544-545). Keel Publications. Kindle Edition.
Racism? Check. 1st grade vocabulary? Check. Empty, incoherent speeches? Check. Authoritarian tendencies? Check. Constant self-sabotage? Check.
Kent, Kreston (2016-07-12). Unauthorized Trump: How I Handed Hillary the Presidency (Kindle Locations 436-437). Keel Publications. Kindle Edition.
Seriously, guys, I'm far more into this than I should be. It's clever, subversive, and more than a bit cheeky.
Without abortion, I’d be a great grandfather already and I’d be the father too. When you bang that many 19-year-old women over that many years, one of them’s bound to be your daughter if not for abortion.
Kent, Kreston (2016-07-12). Unauthorized Trump: How I Handed Hillary the Presidency (Kindle Locations 303-304). Keel Publications. Kindle Edition.
I'm laughing so hard right now. So, so hard.
What’s a vote for Trump actually for? I couldn’t tell you.
Kent, Kreston (2016-07-12). Unauthorized Trump: How I Handed Hillary the Presidency (Kindle Locations 129-130). Keel Publications. Kindle Edition.
I'm loving this. So, so much!
Oh, shit, guys! I won't lie: I got all these free, and this is a gem. It's a parody of Trump and the Trump campaign asking what if Trump really wanted to hand Hillary the presidency? Trump sabotages his own campaign to get a democrat in office, because he does better under democrats, as is explained in the forward.
It's fucking hilarious. It's written with enough of Trump's cadence to make it sound like him, and it's as egotistical and dismissive of everyone else, as he is, but it's also coherent, self aware writing. It strikes the balance perfectly. Love, love, love!